Christine's SpringBreak
by xdarkestXkissx
Summary: It all revolves around “What if Christine really was a whore?”


Christine's Spring Break

Disclaimer: I don't own the Phantom (I give him freely to Sara ;) ) Nor any other PotO characters… I do own Mr. Gibbers, the flying boomerang monkey, and Mr. Springy, the painfully obvious one… I do not own Thu…that goes to …Forkie… I think. I own the idea of calling tha' Phantom's music box "Mr. Twitters" so, whatever….do I get a reward? I think not. Applause? Ehh…I'll go with no still.

Summary for non-idiots: It all revolves around "What if Christine really was a whore?"

Christine becomes Thu's assistant teacher for "Lollypops and Rainbows 101". Carlotta, Phantom, Raoul, Bucket, Mr. Twitters, Mr. Gibbers, Mr. Springy, and others appear also.

Summary for idiots: The whole thing is delightfully painful and degrading. (N.R.)

Chapter ONE,

…Christine doesn't bounce. 

Thu, "Any questions concerning your knew and extremely eye-catching, saliva-producing… assistant teacher?"

random cough-

Random juvenile, high school adolescent, "…Yes, is she any good in the sack?"

Christine, "I"

slap-

Thu, "Oh, yes, very. A little pedestrian, but still quite limber"

students nod and start taking notes-

Christine gasps-

Christine, "Mr. Thu"

Thu, "Today, class, we will be educating ourselves in the properties and functions of a little something I like to call… -sits down on desk- …oatmeal."

students gasp-

Christine, "Th"

slap-

Thu, "But first, our annoyingly bright and interpretive dance sessionTHEN, our fun and disturbing sing along song time"

Christine, "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU."

Thu, "Not now, darling, buttercup"

Christine, "NOW!"

Thu, "–gulp- I will…. Be right back"

Outside Thu's highly educational class of worthless rubbish…

Christine, "WHAT is going on, may I ask?"

Thu, "You may ask, my annoyingly perfect angle, but shall you receive an answer?"

Christine, "–cracks knuckles- Oh, I think I will. –glare-"

Thu, "Right."

Christine, "Now, Thu"

Thu, "… Oh, um… they are most likely conjuring all sorts of highly uneducated guesses in their fragile little piles of mush we like to call the human brain." –Christine blinks-

"Like… you'remynewconcubine"

Christine, "…And you're not going to correct them?"

Thu, "Oh, **_heeeells no_**. –laughs maniacally- it's all to entertaining, don't you agree?"

Christine, "-gulp- Well, I"

Thu slaps Christine again-

Thu, "We have a completely useless class of dump weeds to teach!"

Thu sways back into the classroom in a drunk -

Christine groans and drops her head before following-

Thu, "Now, the introduction of the fittest minds we have in the entire school of New Grace, North Central high school! Welcome to 'Lollypops and Rainbows 101'"

Christine, "You named the class, 'Lollypops and Rainbows 101'?"

Thu, "-gesticulation-"

"My name's Bahksar, "

"Apossim … I like feet…"

Apossim walks over and smells Christine's feet, then sits back down woozily-

"My name's Noel. I'm here because I plowed over seventeen people with my SUV."

"I am the ghost of Ubaldo… and… I have an obsession with scratching my butt –scratch, scratch, sniff, sniff-"

"Sara, and I have an undying fetish for a hideously deformed man that lives in a sewer under the Paris Opara House… I also like to bake cookies at bizarre hours of the night while singing _The Music of the Night_ and swaying in a manner that would, strangely, lead some people to believe that I was mentally lacking –frown-…"

"My name is Elisa, and I feel utterly compelled at all hours to read the dictionary and try to sing _Angle of Music_ while beating Piff on the head with a Tricklet lollypop and turning him into road kill"

"My name is Constantine… and I am going to rule the world, and when I do, I am going to kill you, -points to Thu- and you, -points to Christine- and Piff and Paula and Snoop Dogg and Nitty and all those other little bugs that I had to step on to get here. Also, I am deeply set on signing the whole _Phantom of the Opara_ and turning it into a circus show for all the little roaches living at the nursing home, while shrieking like a banshee."

"My name is Freddy… I wet my pants and shoes…"

"My name is Melody… I'm insane –bright smile- I'm obsessed with asparagus, and deeply enjoy lounging in tubs of boiling chocolate."

Christine, "-uneasy smile- All…right… I can see we have a… very learning desiring class… My name isChristine… and I am"

Freddy, "One hell of a bringer in the sack."

Christine, "That was…well, I wasn't actuallyummyou… I'm notNO."

Thu, "-clasps hands together- Lets begin!

laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woahPi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woahPi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

I never knew a person that coulddo it like he di-iiid,  
He used to lie to me, but nowwe're the best of frie-eeends

laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

His body's so ho-o-ooot, andhis hair is bla-aaack,  
He wears a mask to hide him from himself…  
I see him every night at ten after twe-eeelve…  
He lives in a sewer oflo-o-o-ooooooooooo-ooove!  
It stinks like cow shit baby, and he tastes like diii-iiiiiiiiilll…  
But o-oooo-ooooooh I love you, Piff, darling dearest, and Ialways  
wi-ii-iii-ill

laaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

laaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

His power's mystical, but it wasnever fouuuund…  
Until the day that I saw himwalking a-way,  
And I thought 'hey, hey, hey-hey'…

laaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

laaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

Thu, "Come, my little whore! Sing with us!"

…laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

His face is misshapen, and his ass isflat and de-formed  
But alas, I love him dearly, andnothingwill change, cuz IWON'T let  
him go!

laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,  
laaaaaaaaaa, Pi-i-iiiiff, woah Pi-iiiiff,

We have the foreigners asking us to kee-eep it doooow-own

Melody, "…Hey, I threw up in my mouth a little!"

Sara, "YEA, that SUCKED!"

Christine nervously laughs as she falls over a chair in her attempt to get out of the room-

the door slams shut as Christine nears it-

Christine claws at the metal door that now covers the exit-

Thu, "tsk, tsk… a tisket, a tasket, a whisket and a basket… we all fall over into a pile of dung and eat our way to 'heaven'."

Thu walks over to Christine, picks her up, and sets her on his desk-

Christine falls over-

Thu, "heh…"

Christine falls over again-

Thu frowns, and lets Christine hit the floor before walking over to a cabinet, pulling out a roll of duck tape, and heading back to where Christine is now laying with her own drool surrounding her face-

Six minutes and twenty-seven rolls of duck tape later…

Thu, "There, I don't think we'll be having any more problems concerning that matter of deficiency."

Three minutes later…

Random, "Eh…I don't think she's looking so well…"

Christine starts turning a lovely shade of blue and pruple-

Thu, "Maybe… I should remove my ways of holding my Aine-true love in one stationary position…"

Thu removes the duck tape, and Christine gasps for air-

Thu, "All better, my sweet whore?"

Christine glares-

Eighteen minutes later…

Thu, "Now remember,"

Christine snores-

"It is very important that you eat an adequate supply of creamy paste, also known as oatmeal…-glances at Christine- and… drink enough oxygen "

Bahksar, "Can you drink oxygen?"

Thu, "Yes, of course my splendidly unintelligent undergraduate"

Noel, "Why oatmeal?"

Thu, "Because… it makes you bounce! –jumps up-

And to demonstrate this new law of physics, I will use my lovely whore… Christine, as a wonderfully naïve test dummy."

Thus picks Christine up off of his 'desk of delight'-

Christine, "-rubs eyes-I don't know about this… I just changed my underwear last mooooooonth!"

Thus breaks the window with Christine's legs and a gust of wind blows in-

Thu, "I sure as hell hope you have insurance! RIGHT?"

Christine, "NO!"

Thu, "-shrug- Well, all I can say, is … see you in hell!"

Christine's eyes widen to be inhumanly large and puppy-dog-like-

Christine, "Wai"

Thu drops Christine-

Eight minutes later…

**_THUD_**-

Seven minutes later…

Thu looks down at his 'white trash Barbie making out with my little pony' watch and nervously whistles-

Bahksar, "HEY! What happened to the hot slut!

Thu, "Well…"

Noel, "YEAH!"

Thu, "Well…she… didn't eat enough oatmeal"

Freddy, "OYE! Now I wet my pants!"

Thu, "…Class is… dismissed early!"

Ghost of Ubaldo, "WHY?"

Thu, "Because, my annoyingly attractive concubine that digresses in saying she is one,

Has met a rather unfortunate fate and I must grieve her body's loss in an animalistic conduct…oh, and Freddy wet his pants."

Apossim, "Ohhhhhh... poor Fred…"

bell rings in the tune of 'Screw Piff' and students rush out-

Thu, "-picks up books and glances out window- farewell, my darling whore… you met a cruel end, but may your spirit remember this message of love:

I will think of you every second as I am in Cancoon screwing the room maids and very hot men…

Goodbye…my darling whore… I shall see you one last time as I scrape your body off of the outer pavement to dwindle the suspicions of our fellow citizens thinking that I killed you… which I did…. In some way, one might saybut they don't have to know that

–shifty eyes- "

leaves room-

Christine: WOW… you killed me off ALREADY?

Constantine: -shrug- I

Raoul: HEY! How come only Christine gets o talk at the end!

Christine: you're talking… we're just not listening

Raoul: why, I ought to kill you…

Christine: I ALREADY AM DEAD!

Raoul: yeah, I can see that, bitch!

Christine: ME! BITCH? You're the only breeding dog around here other than Piff!

Raoul: DON'T YOU START WITH ME, CHRISTINE!

Christine: blah, blah, BLAH!

Raoul: you know I don't have those organs, Christine!

Christine: you want some organs, baker-boy! I'll give you organs!AFTER I RIP YOURS OUT!

Constantine: …blink- this is like a soap opara… it just keeps getting worse.

Ghost of Ubaldo: I'm 'scratch and sniff'

AFTER NOTES:

1.Piff is another name for the Phantom

2.I will post the rest of the UNEDITED version of the "Screw Piff" song separately, as a link to this…I hope…

3. I WILL (be afraid) be updating this…sometime

And so it Begins….

P.S.

yes, those who read Screw Piff (The Phantom/Erik) ...-cough- you know who you are...know that that was REALLLY edited.

lots-a luv,

Constantine


End file.
